Playing House by Lauren Slater

Author:Lauren Slater [Slater, Lauren]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-8070-0174-5
Publisher: Beacon Press
Published: 2013-03-24T16:00:00+00:00

No one knows exactly why Zyprexa increases your appetite, but everyone agrees that it does, and does so dramatically. Of all the atypical antipsychotics, which are often prescribed as adjuncts when your plain old antidepressant medication poops out, Zyprexa is most associated with weight gain, and the weight gain, in turn, causes a whole host of other dangerous problems, like diabetes, for one. At the time I was so desperate I could have cared less about diabetes, and my doctor’s warning that I might plump up as a side effect of the drug fell on fairly deaf ears. What did it matter to me that in every study comparing “weight gain liabilities” among the atypical antipsychotics, Zyprexa always fared the worst, with some patients gaining over a hundred pounds, while those on Geodon often lost weight. I knew how bad a rap Zyprexa had; I’d seen a friend pop those pills and go practically elephantine, but from my point of view, just then, I would have rather been a happy elephant than a miserable hominid. Thus, I filled my script ASAP and took my first white pill the same night. Three pills and three days later my depression lifted, just lifted, like a wet velvet curtain, heavy and dripping and hauled high up, above me, so I could see the air and my garden and my whole wide world as it once was, but no, even better. Zyprexa seemed to add a little zest, a little zing, so the edges of everything had a merry sparkle, and I could laugh, I did laugh, finding my children’s antics delightful, loving the way my dogs danced for their food. Food. Food. For the first time in so many months I had my appetite back and it all looked good, or better than good; it looked downright delicious, the lasagna steaming in its pan, the hot melted cheese crisped at the outer edges and bubbling on top. I could not get enough. I had the hunger of a wolf after winter, when he’s gone for months with no prey. I ate mayonnaise straight from the jar, scooping it up with my paw and aiming for my face. I was insatiable, overcome, every bite was packed with complex flavors that my tongue could somehow sense, a simple pistachio nut both fruity and salty, with the wet tang of earth in the background. I rose each morning now eager for my day, packing my children’s lunches and licking the Fluffernutter off the knife’s blade, the taste of sweetness and sunlight. Once the kids were gone, headed off to camp, I began my own breakfast, practically panting with excitement, I’m sad to say, but it was so. Some mornings I might make oatmeal on the stove, seasoning it with cinnamon and nutmeg and several dark drops of vanilla, which gave it such a fine scent I had to have seconds and even thirds. Although at this point I wasn’t giving the appetite increase and associated weight

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